The Borderline
by Razzbairee
Summary: Brad experiences how it feels to approach the borderline. --ONE SHOT-- Warning: BradxJann shounen-ai


Disclaimer: DOA is not mine. Mew own the tiny lyrics.

The Borderline

_My arms retreat._

_I wish they were there to hold you._

The static noise cut short and the vision of the blue ocean and sky came into view. He toyed with the camera until he held it in a more suitable position. His love stood in the ocean, jeans rolled to his knees, staring off into the horizon. His back was turned. He called out his name and waved his hand at him, hoping to catch his attention. His love stood still as the waves crashed into his legs and the shore. His white shirt clung to his body as the wind fought to snag it away from him.

He called out his love's name once more. His voice was barely audible to him and he believed his love couldn't hear him through the wind and waves. He groaned, slightly aggravated before he took steps on the hot sand towards the ocean. An ominous shadow threw itself over him and his love. He ceased walking and looked up at the sky. And then he died inside. The wind died as well at the mere sight of the gargantuan wave that was towering over the ocean shore. The ambient white sound of the wave flooded his brain, obstructing all of his thoughts. He wanted to move; he wanted to run even though he knew he wouldn't escape. His body was frozen still as if mesmerized by the wave's monstrous beauty.

The conflicting force between his brain and his body finally shattered and then he broke free to make a run towards his love. The miniature waves that once clashed with the shore retreated away from him when he stepped foot in the damp sand. His hand reached out towards his love, but he was pummeled. His body was thrown away from his love after he was so close to touching him. He was washed away along with the buildings, trees, everything that he loved about the land was being washed away with him. The mighty buildings crumbled under the massive force of the angry ocean. The trees were ripped from the earth and snapped in two.

He tried to scream, but the water soaked his lungs and he choked. He couldn't see where he was, but he could see the sky and clouds smeared before him despite the burning of his eyes. They seemed real. They seemed as if he could touch them. He couldn't find the strength to move his arm until a force pushed him upwards. His arm was before him. He reached out and grabbed nothing.

Brad squinted his eyes from the bright light of the sun. He couldn't see at that moment; he wasn't sure if he wanted to nonetheless. But he knew he could breathe. He wasn't choked.

"Just a dream," he declared, opening his eyes as soon as the burning faded.

He was in the place he had last remembered. It was a relief. But he was agitated by the fact that every nightmare he had seemed real. Real enough to eat him from the inside until there was nothing, but his skeleton left.

If he was still in the same place he last remembered then Jann Lee must have been as well. He looked over to his side. The twenty-year-old was lying on his stomach next to him with his head turned away towards the window. Brad could hear the rhythmic murmur of his breathing. He was sound asleep. Brad became jealous that he was the one whose sleep ended in a nightmare, but nonetheless, he was grateful to still be beside Jann Lee. He envisioned himself being torn away from him, but he was with him in reality.

He smiled before lowering himself down beside Jann Lee and laying his head upon his back. He wanted him to awaken, look into his eyes and get lost in his chocolate orbs. It was a few seconds before Jann Lee moved and grunted in annoyance. Brad had known that he would annoy him. He laid a kiss upon the moist skin of Jann Lee's neck before he picked himself off the bed. He stood and stretched as the sun's rays painted his bare body an auburn hue. He dressed himself in a simple pair of shorts and then made his leave from the bedroom towards the room next door.

The living room connected with the kitchen. It was a dark orange. The sun's rays were being smothered by the curtains that hung over the screen window on the far wall. He didn't hesitate to throw the curtains apart to release the rays. It was almost a habit or at most, an instinct. He was accustomed to greeting the sun in the mornings. He would feel peculiar if he didn't. Once he turned face towards the room once more, the couch caught his attention. One of its pair of cushions was upon the floor. He walked over towards it to place it back in its rightful place, catching his reflection upon the television screen. His ruffled hair was loose and it sat on his back. He ran a hand through his mop of hair before immediately giving up on fixing it towards decency.

He placed the cushion back upon the couch and sat on it, staring at his reflection. His hand reached towards the coffee table for the remote, but found something else instead. His eyes caught sight of the video camera that had been set atop the coffee table. The image of the ocean appeared in his mind. He was filming with the video camera. Jann Lee was standing in the ocean. He recognized his flaming hair. The wind blew, the sky was bright, and the ocean shimmered. Then it was all washed away in the most massive form of the ocean so simply and abruptly that it seemed like a fraud; it seemed like false anger. What Brad had done to cause it, he didn't know. And he didn't want to find out.

His finger pressed the on switch to the camera with excess force. He must have been angry. Unless his hand had a mind of its own. He made sure that he turned the television on without the excess force. The television emitted static as the black and white lines of death plagued its screen. Brad was patient at first, but the more seconds passed by, the more he became _impatient_ and growled. He reached out to turn the camera off once again. The television complied to cooperate and Jann Lee's image appeared on its screen. He was sitting at the island in the kitchen, holding a burger in his mouth. Brad's voice spoke to him in a playful way, making Jann Lee frown and gesture with his hand for him to stop filming him. Brad had laughed as Jann Lee placed his burger aside to hassle him for the camera.

It then abruptly switched over to a different filming. Buildings, trees, and pedestrians flowed past the screen and disappeared in the right margin. It swayed towards the left to show Jann Lee once more. He had his eyes fixated on the road before him with his hands upon the steering wheel.

"Where're we going?" it was Brad's voice again.

Jann Lee had turned to look at him, almost surprised there was a person in the passenger seat. Before he could answer, the screen flashed to a different filming again. Brad began to mentally curse himself for being an amateur video recorder. To keep himself from getting absorbed in each short film, he decided to just sit and observe the flashes of light.

Jann Lee walked out of the bedroom, dressed in simple sneakers, pants, and a white shirt. The widespread curtains and the bright light of the sun was first to catch his eye. Then Brad's hypnotized state on the couch. He figured he wasn't going to move anytime soon therefore he trotted over to the curtains himself instead of commanding Brad to and pulled the curtains closed. The rays were concealed once again and the dark orange hue was cast over the room. It was all that needed to be done to catch Brad's attention. He looked behind him to witness the curtains shut and Jann Lee walking away from them.

"It's too early for the sun," he simply stated.

"The sun doesn't think so," Brad replied with a smirk.

Jann Lee looked at him then away before mumbling to himself. His back was turned. Brad noticed and a mischievous grin crept across his face. He stood up, making certain to not cause a sound. He crept across the tiled floor until he was right behind Jann Lee in the kitchen. Once Jann Lee caught sight of the taller man's reflection on the refrigerator, Brad pounced on him before he could threaten him not to. They fell upon the kitchen floor in a loud thud that caused Jann Lee to whoop. His face had met the floor; his arms and legs were incapable of stopping the fall. Brad had his arms wrapped around Jann Lee's arms and torso. He nuzzled his face against Jann Lee's cheek and Jann Lee winced at the stubs on Brad's chin.

"I loved you last night," Brad declared with a smile.

He didn't bother to look at Jann Lee's face. He already knew Jann Lee was irritated. He always was; he was uptight. Whether it was the early morning or his nature, Brad couldn't care less. He had witnessed what he could become after several comforting hugs and words. A simple frown meant nothing more than an act.

But he had opened his eyes when he noticed how motionless his love was. He was staring at the television screen. Brad looked forward and watched as well. It showed them on the couch. Only the lights above the kitchen were on, but despite this, their silhouettes were still visible as they moved about the couch. Brad was straddling the younger man who had reached up towards him only to have his arms unwillingly pushed down above his head. And then Brad watched as his mirror image leaned inwards towards the younger man with a hint of anticipation. Brad remembered how deliberate he had been. He could see Jann Lee's glowing orbs before him as if it was once again the night before. They held a sort of eager, but afraid feeling within them. Brad lowered his face closer to his, fixated on the orbs as they became larger and the heat of Jann Lee's breath eased the skin on his face. His eyes closed the more he lowered himself towards them; as well as his own eyes. His lips fell onto Jann Lee's, forcefully at first, but the sensation of finally connecting to the other man intimately appeased his desire and his kiss softened.

Jann Lee had been the first to remove his lips from the other and look upon Brad. His eyes drew open as well. Both had waited for the other to speak. Their eyes seemed to speak a language neither knew. But their insecure desires spoke for them. And they understood. Brad had climbed off of Jann Lee and his hands wrapped away from his wrists to grasp his hands. He then pulled Jann Lee off the couch to stand with him. His hands had been shaking. They were slight, but they _were_ shaking. Jann Lee was looking away from him at his feet. Brad had to lead Jann Lee towards the bedroom as if he were a small child lost in the forest of his true emotions.

And in the bedroom, he had been even more disoriented. Brad understood why. He wasn't exactly sure of what he was doing was what he really wanted or if it was even just. The only way for him to find out was to proceed. If it wasn't in his true feelings then, he would cease immediately before any harm was done. And if it was; then he would cherish his new discovery. Brad remembered the night perfectly as he lay upon the floor. How could he forget it? It was the night an epiphany occurred to him. It was the night he shed his old skin to live in his new.

The video wasn't showing anymore. It was just the couch and the dimly lit kitchen. Brad cuddled the man below him with more passion than just squeezing him like he had done. He embraced him the same way the night before. Only Jann Lee embraced him in return. He felt the absence almost as if he was already accustomed to the firm grip of Jann Lee's arms. He looked down at him. He wasn't watching the television screen anymore. His attention was fixated on the tiled floor only a mere inch from his eyes. And he still held a frown. He wasn't feeling the same as him. Brad loosened his grip around him to not cause him anymore discomfort. Jann Lee began to stir as soon as his grip was loosened and picked himself off the floor. Brad watched him from below as he dusted himself off in a sort of frustrated sense. Then he paused.

"I'm going out. Try not to mess up the place while I'm gone," he said before walking off towards the door.

Brad watched as his back become smaller the farther away he walked and then disappeared behind the door. He wasn't sure if he was surprised that Jann Lee was acting indifferent or not. But as he looked about the still, dim room and into the empty television screen, he felt a sense of emptiness as well.

* * *

He didn't want to, but he did. He didn't mean to, but it happened. He had sulked about the apartment for hours. He peered out the window at the flowing street and passing pedestrians below. He sat on the couch and stared at the wall or the television. He placed himself upon the bed they had slept on that night, but he never stayed on it long. He told his legs to move and carry him out of the apartment. But they wouldn't budge. He had a fierce urge to leave. But something was keeping him there. False hope maybe. He waited for Jann Lee for hours, subconsciously believing that the next time he saw him, he wouldn't seem so ashamed to be around him. He had shrugged Jann Lee's cold expressions off many times before, but he was beginning to believe that Jann Lee was every bit truthful in his expressions and movements.

He had fallen asleep on the bed; too weary to conceal himself under the sheets. The heavy weight of depression wore out his legs and back.

Jann Lee returned. Usually, he would enter as loud as he wanted with disregard for the neighbors, but he didn't want to draw Brad's attention. He wasn't expecting him to still be there when he got back, but the air told him he was still there. It was night and it was dark. No lights were on. They seemed to be inactive the whole day. They were as dead as the room.

He crept around the living room and apartment in search of any trace of the other man. All he found was the small trench in the couch where Brad must have sat. His search left him with the bedroom. He wasn't expecting Brad to be asleep in the early night, but then again, he wasn't expecting the apartment to be dead.

He pushed the door open; it wasn't completely closed. And there Brad lay. His tall frame was upon the bed. Jann Lee had felt a bit relieved that he hadn't hurt Brad as much as he believed he would. And he was tired. He had been gone the whole day. Moreover to escape the man before him. But he knew he could take one more night sharing the same bed. Even after what he encountered throughout the day.

He sat upon the bed, causing it to screech. This awoke Brad and he quickly turned face towards Jann Lee, expecting something more hostile. Jann Lee was looking at him as well. When he noticed he was completely awake, he turned away to begin taking off his shoes.

Brad sat up in the bed. He believed he was dreaming again. He couldn't adjust to the reality yet, still half of his mind was in his sleep. If he was dreaming, then he wouldn't be able to touch Jann Lee. His own mind had been trying to steal away his happiness; possibly out of guilt. But he wanted him. He knew he did or else he wouldn't feel empty without him. Or was he guilty for forcing himself upon the other man? Maybe he was punishing himself for his own sin.

"Everywhere I went, you were there," Jann Lee began to speak, his back still turned.

His voice seemed to pull Brad further into reality and he was even able to comprehend the fact that it was late and dark out. He began to wonder how long he had been asleep. It didn't matter much to him though. It was a side thought that he shrugged off so he could focus on what the other man was trying to tell him.

Jann Lee spoke some more as he slightly turned his face towards Brad, "I went down to the beach and I saw your face in the sand. I walked away from it, thinking I was hallucinating, but then your face was in the rocks by the ocean and I stopped to stare. It _was_ you. So I walked on. I caught the bus to the park. You were sitting right next to me; I saw your face in the window. And when I stepped off the bus, you were smiling at me in the clouds. I stopped to take a seat at the bench near the water fountain. I looked back at the coins at the bottom of it and I swear you were standing right over me, looking as well.

"I couldn't get you out of my mind no matter where I went. So I decided to take you with me so I could look at you anytime I liked and your face wouldn't surprise me out of the blue. I'm not the best drawer in the world, but I drew your face; I drew it out of my own memory. I didn't want to look up into the sky or at the water fountain. When I was done, I realized that it really _did_ look like you, but you seemed so small and I wondered why I drew you that way. But I still felt as if I held you in my hands . . . So I bent the paper in half; I bent your face. You disappeared. It didn't even take me much effort. I was going to unfold it again, but the wind blows it right out of my hands. You were so high in the air that I couldn't reach you. All I could do was watch you as you disappeared for good."

He turned his head away from him again and the slight image of his eyes vanished from Brad's view. Brad didn't need to see his eyes though. His words had given him enough inner hope that he wasn't unsure of what he had done anymore. He crept towards Jann Lee; sure the younger man could hear him. Jann Lee didn't make any effort to move away from him and Brad took the invitation. He crawled across the bed to wrap his arms around Jann Lee's shoulders and place his cheek against his. He wanted to comfort him, to let him know that in reality, he was still with him despite his lack of attention.

Brad was planning on replacing the long hours away from him. He began to lie down along the bed, bringing Jann Lee down with him. Once again, Jann Lee allowed the older man to guide him.

End.


End file.
